My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins.
So they’re cleaning up at the end of it and we’re still hanging out because we haven’t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin.
“Take one.”
“Um… okay?”
“Take another.”
“….?”
“It is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.”
So it turns out that she’d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins.
So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault.
So everyone left with at least two tiny pumpkins and that’s how we made friends with the Maid of Honor.
So I forgot about it and then the next morning I woke up and found these two tiny pumpkins in my purse and had a puzzling moment of ‘what?’
We were invited to the Maid of Honor’s house the other day so we could:
take some of the flowers off her hands
help with some post-wedding stuff
watch the presidential debate
play Clue for like three hours
drink a lot of booze.
And there are just… tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.
They were in the bathroom.
At the end of the night, I counted 26 tiny pumpkins, and that was just what I could see.
people who like pineapple on pizza: yeah its pretty good i get its not for everyone though its kind of a weird sensation but i like it
people who dont like pineapple on pizza: i will FUJCKING KILL ANYONE WHO BRINGS A PINEAPPLE INTO MY LINE OF SIGHT, if you bring a pineapple to me i will shove it down my dick and launch it like a cannon at you, killing you immediately. ill take the pineapple and f
Just had a child say “circumcise me, captain!” And his mom smacked him in the back of the head and said “I’m so sorry I don’t know where he heard that I don’t even know if he knows what that means” and I’m thinking about how kids are just walking shitpost generators
Disneypranks with Friends: “Bambi” Edition! 💐 (Messin’ with Alex Rupp… Thought he was so slick XD)
Thomas: Disneypranks with Friends! Pretty, pretty flower!
Alex: This is a prank, isn’t it?
Thomas: Yeah, you got me. (Proceeds to squirt water out of the flower, causing Alex to launch back, hitting his head, which probably did more damage than the water ever would if he had just leaned in to enjoy the flower. Thomas then proceeds to giggle like an over-enthusiastic man-child.)
